“After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. So Jesus said to the twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life,”

-John 6:66-68 (ESV)

The words of Simon Peter have been ringing in my ears the past month. I found myself asking this question over and over. Where would I go Jesus? I have no where to go Jesus. You are all I know anymore. You have everything I could ever want, right?

I never had a reason to doubt that. I know the truth, I know you are the Messiah. I know you saved me. However, as I listened to a podcast about two devote Christians falling away from Christ I started to question more. What’s the difference between them and me. They knew the truth, they knew your word, they knew you Jesus. How could they leave? Were you not enough Jesus?

Dangerous questions I know, but I had to ask. I had to know why so many people who claim Christ come to place where they no longer want Him. I had to search my own convictions and figure out; why am I staying? Is He enough for me?

I spent weeks in that dark place, so confused and so worried. Something that one of these guys said in the podcast kept ringing in my head though. During a section where they talked about what life looks like without church and Jesus. The guy quoted this scripture I shared at the beginning and explained how when he decided he wasn’t going to follow Christ anymore he didn’t know where to go. Where would I go Christ? I have nowhere to go, you are all I know.

It broke my heart. Christ was so real to them, Christ was everything to them. And when they turned their back there was nothing. I sat there and wrestled with all of this. I wanted to so bad to just blow this off and say, “oh these guys have just never experienced Christ.” But that just wasn’t true. They clearly knew who Christ was and what it meant to be a Christian.

These two wanted truth beyond scripture. The word wasn’t enough for them. They saw the injustice of the world and instead of finding peace in Christ, they blamed Him for it. It’s easy to put the blame on Him, He’s a pretty easy target.

Here is what I have found peace in. God’s word does not return void. And His word is enough. Jesus is enough. Not just because an old book says it but because His Holy Spirit has shown himself to us. This is the truth that I cling to.